i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
