the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
