OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
