can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
