Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
