you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
People in love make me want to vomit
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
