my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
