I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
