How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
