I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
