he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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