I cannot find my penis.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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