Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize