i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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