You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
