I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
