check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pants are for mortals
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
