cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
