you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
