i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
