So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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