I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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