dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
