peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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