be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
