My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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