Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
