I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
