i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
