Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
