i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
