I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm at about main and main street
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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