Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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