Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
