i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
