She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
