If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize