So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
