Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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