yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
