I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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