john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
