That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
