1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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