My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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