I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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