Already got asked if we're dating
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
