Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
