whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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