Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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