he wants to bone in the snuggie
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
