My first STD was from a foam party
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
