You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
