physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
