I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
