I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
