I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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