She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
