I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
