My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
