apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
