My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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