I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
