whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
