totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
