Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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