I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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