i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
did you just send me my own nude
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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