I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
