nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize