honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
