Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
