dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
