OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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