what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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