Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
