Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
