im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize