Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
