like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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