ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
