My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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