On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
